There are no objects in flux, only flux itself.
-Some Wise Buddhist at Some Point in History
I always knew that when the time came to officially end my blogging journey, I would know. I would just feel it, as I have intuitively felt every single other major decision I’ve had to make in my life.
Last night, I knew.
I was walking out after sitting zazen and then chanting vespers at Dharma Rain Zen Center, a beautiful Soto Zen sangha that has become my spiritual home over the past six months. The waxing crescent moon lit the dimming almost summer sky, completely clear of clouds. It took my breath away, the simplicity of it. And it just washed over me.
I am ready to be done managing multiple social media profiles. It is tiring. It is not bringing out the best in me. It does not help me express the depth and nuance and compassion I seek to exude in the world. I worry about privacy–not so much for my safety, but the ways in which big business uses my data. I know it’s inevitable at this point. But I feel a driving force that can be summed up like this:
Let me be clear: my decision to pare down my social media presence is not a judgment, or a belief that others should, too. I have so enjoyed blogging and the sense of connection and community it has brought to my life as I grew from baby midwifery student to new grad to blossoming advancing leader, teacher, scholar. But I find these days that social media is draining my reserves. My experience is this: I don’t remember things as well. I rush to quick, snappy judgments. My eyes glaze over at the incessant, formulaic click-bait titles
Don’t get me wrong. The Major Reckoning and Disruption of Racism that is happening right now is long overdue. But in my own life, the Facebook and Instagram profiles I established to correspond with this blog aren’t the venues that best allow me to engage in that work.
So, they’re gone.
I rather unceremoniously deleted them both in a split second decision yesterday and felt the hugest weight lifted off my shoulders. I now just have one Facebook account and one Instagram account. I will use both periodically. I may not be on as often, or post or respond as much. Other times, I may be one a lot. I’m not holding myself to a particular narrative around what that engagement should look like.
What feels most freeing about this is the pressure (completely artificial, mind you), to somehow maintain my “real profile” and this alter ego of what Full Spectrum Midwife was supposed to be. It’s just me here, little old Lena, doing her thing. Learning. Growing. Creating more spaciousness in my life and work for things that feed me, so that I can continue diving into the shit-show of midwifery politics, disrupting ages of archaic thinking and practice, and help birth a new generation of midwives equipped to practice in a different way.
I’ll miss the community I developed…but in truth, it’s not really going away. It’s just morphing into other forms. Really, it always has. I have so many brilliant colleagues who are adept at navigating the social media world who will continue to bring to light the issues needing change. I may not friend as many people on Facebook on my personal profile. I may retreat for days, weeks, or months at a time, depending on what is happening in my life.
The thing that doesn’t change is my fervent belief in the power of midwifery care to change lives, and in new midwifery leadership to move midwifery forward.
Thanks for the ride, everyone, it’s been wonderful so far…and only gets better from here.